Waiting

Waiting and patience is certainly not my strong suit. I have a feeling I may not be alone on this one.

I’m not terrible with waiting for smaller things like waiting to get out of work, waiting for dinner to be ready or waiting for a phone call/ email.

No my downfall is waiting for the bigger things. Life decisions. Waiting to know if we are ever going to be able to get pregnant again. Waiting to know if adoption is the right path for us to take. Waiting to get approved for a home study for adoption or fostering.

I’m not good with the middle things either. Waiting to see if we can go to Disney world this year.

Basically, I am in the midst of waiting, waiting on a lot of things. Waiting is something, in one way or another, we will never be able to avoid. We just have to figure out how to make the best of life during these times and trust that in the waiting, God is working.

Parenting

My grandmother gave me this magnet for Christmas this past year.

“Parenthood is the scariest hood you’ll ever go through.”

Now ain’t that the truth!

I try not to think too much about it on a day to day basis because if I do my son will definitely be eating strictly organic food and be home schooled while living in a bunker. Seriously though, this world is getting scary! The mass shootings and the drugs are enough to make my head spin. In fact, we actually moved out of small town up north because the heroin epidemic was and is out of control. It got to the point where if you didn’t see a dirty needle in a gas station bathroom then that was abnormal. Dirty needles sitting on sidewalks and IN THE WOOD CHIPS at the park. Right when I got pregnant, I knew that there was no way we could stay there to raise our son. That is when we decided to move south. Which to me is ironic that we ended up moving to the city. In my head at least, I would have thought that the drug presence would be smaller in a little off the map town than in a big city. Then again, my son is only four and we live in a “good part of town” so maybe I am just not as in tune with it as I once was.

All the decisions that have to be made too is what makes parenthood so hard. Breastfeeding vs. formula, baby wearing vs. not, controlled screen time, public school or private school, no sugar, no red dye, organic vs. non-organic. The decisions to be made when it comes to your kids is almost endless. The worst part about is it the MOM SHAMING!! Why people, why is this even a thing?! Since when is it ok for you to butt into my life and my parenting or for me into yours? As far as I am concerned, as long as you are not doing anything illegal to or around your kids that I am aware of then it is absolutely none of my business and I should 100% stay out of it.

One of my favorite phrases people say is “facts aren’t attacks!” Now, this statement is true IF you are engaging in a conversation that actually has to do with facts and not opinion. Car seat safety are facts. Whether or not it is “ok” to pierce your daughter’s ears before she is old enough to give consent is an OPINION. If I am buckling my child in his car seat incorrectly, that has the potential honestly to be deadly. So yes, please, step in and let a sister know what I am doing wrong and how I should fix it to you know, potentially

SAVE MY CHILD’S LIFE.

If I pierce my 5-month-old baby girls ears, I honestly do not want to hear you say anything about it because frankly

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

Her ears being pierced aren’t hurting you and more importantly it isn’t hurting her. So keep it moving.

Anyways

I’ll wrap it up there. As you can probably detect, I am pretty passionate about this subject. Parenthood is hard. Like REALLY hard. But it is also hands down the most rewarding and amazing thing you will ever do in your life. We should be helping each other out not tearing each other down. This should not be yet another place in someone’s life that another person is attacking.

             What’s that saying….. Don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house.

None of us are perfect and we shouldn’t be acting like we are. Let’s come together and be there for each other! It really does take a village.

Sunshine Blogger Award!!

How cool is this?! As some of you know, this is my first time legitimately blogging. When I got nominated for this award, I looked into it and I love the concept of it. I like that we get to ask each other questions but more than that I like that we get to promote other bloggers! I am only following a handful of people at the moment and more than half of them are due to this exact award! So, thank you Laundry and Dishes (https://wp.me/P9JZ1n-l) for nominating me. This girl is the first to interact with me on WordPress and that will always be something I remember. Her blog is great and fun to read! I think it’s pretty awesome that her husband has a “corner” as well, so he is able to share this with her. If you’re not already following her, I highly suggest you start!

Here are the rules if you are nominated….

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog
  • Answer the questions the blogger has asked you
  • Nominate 5-11 new bloggers and write them 5-11 new questions
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post

Here are the questions I was asked by Laundry and Dishes:

  • What made you start your blog?

I started my blog as a place to vent all my normally hidden feelings, like an online diary basically. But the more I write and the more followers I get, I am finding that I really enjoy writing to connect with other people.

  • What is your favorite post that you have written?

My favorite post I have written I would have to say is “It’s a New Day”. I think its always great to have a reminder to stop dwelling on what you don’t have for a minute and be thankful for everything that you do have.

  • Do you write for yourself or for your readers?

When I first started, I was definitely writing just for myself. As I mentioned above, I was writing a blog just for a place to vent. Going forward, I would like to start writing not only for myself but for my readers as well.

  • What is your favorite book to read?

Currently, my favorite book of all time is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I HIGHLY recommend it.

  • Do you prefer movies/tv or books/reading?

I think I prefer movies/tv. This year one of my goals is to read 15 books because I would like to get back into reading, you know, keep my brain sharp. If I read a book first that was also made into a movie, 9 out of 10 times I like the book much better!

My Nominees Are…

https://navyasingh98.wordpress.com/

https://lifebywyetha.com/

Unfortunately I only have two to share at this time but hopefully a year from now I will be able to share 11!!

Alas, My Questions for My Nominees…

  1. Because I think it’s a great question, Why did you start your blog?
  2. What career did you want when you were a kid vs. what career/job do you currently have?
  3. Would you rather live in the mountains or on the beach? Why?
  4. What was one of the biggest turning points in your life?
  5. Who is your favorite celebrity?
  6. What is your all time favorite dinner?

Enjoy and thanks for stopping by today!

It’s a New Day!

I know that I just started this blog and that it has been a little….on the debbie downer side. If you have read through my previous posts then you know that January is a hard month for me.

BUT

With that being said, I do not want to just focus on what I am struggling with and what I wish I had. Today my main focus is what I do have and what I am thankful for.

I really like the picture that I attached with this blog post. “I have a lot to be thankful for. I am healthy, happy and I am loved.”
Although I may not be happy every day, I would say overall I am a pretty happy person. I am healthy compared to some others in this world, and I am certainly loved. When I stop and really think about these things I realize how blessed I am.

The things I tend not to think as much about:
*Having all my senses
*Breathing
*Walking
*A roof over my head
*Heat
*Food
*Working

The things that I think about more often:
*God
*My son
*My husband
*My immediate family
*My extended family
*My Bible study community
*My support group (The Garden)

It is good to stop and think of all the things I have to be thankful for. I never want to get so caught up in the negative that I get lost in grief and complaining. Even when bad things are happening, even when I feel like I’m drowning, there will always be something to be thankful for.


Triggers

I was a little hesitant to write about this tonight but I suppose this is the point of my blog, to get things out instead of keeping them in.

I just finished the last episode of season four of Fuller House.

**SPOILER ALERT**

Kimmy has the baby that she has been carrying for Stephanie. As I was watching the episode, of Kimmy going through labor, DJ and Stephanie being there to help her through it, the rest of the family anxiously waiting for this baby to be born, I felt almost like stone. I thought I would have bawled my eyes out and deep down I think I wanted to. But I just sat there and watched as one tear fell from each eye. Just one. That is all my absolutely heartbroken self could let out.

During the whole season I kept thinking about not being pregnant again. The funny thing is is you would think for me, having HG and all, that I would never want to be pregnant again. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a part of me that feels that way and logically so. But thinking that I will never feel little flutters inside my body again, feel little kicks, know that I am literally growing another human being is utterly devastating. I will never have another baby shower or gender reveal party. I’ll never feel those indescribable labor pains. I will never feel the overwhelming joy and astonishment of bringing another life into this world.

How do you move past something like this?

I hope that someday soon I will have the answer to that. I hope someday I can find the beauty from pain and the beauty in the ashes.

My hope for 2019 is that I find my way through this and am able to help someone else walking this same path.